REVIEW: THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN

SPOILERS OF FIRST 16 MINUTES THE REVIEW DIES LIKE MINI SERIES

The remake of THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN makes its first mistake less than 30 seconds in. Since it was already decided to turn it into a 4 hour mini series, a new opening sequence had to be found. Instead of letting us see the town, and emotionally connect to the victims and more importantly the survivors, that is soon to be affected by the organism piggy backing on the satellite, we get a horn-dog kid in the back of a pick-up trying to get into the pants of his girlfriend with the opening line from STAR TREK. Yeah, "where no man has gone before?" Only if your lucky kid.

I'm now two minutes in and they have, surprisingly, waited long enough for it to cool, but have also loaded the crashed satellite into the bed of the pick-up truck to take it into town. At this point Darwinism kicks in and I'm only watching because I am drunk. There was a reason the Oscilloscope was used in the original movie version. It's called tension, something that seems now lost along with action and adventure in the minds of the current crop of remake filmmakers, who shall from this day forward be known as douchebags.

OK, three minutes in and "Big Scoop" has been moved and they are following the signal, which somehow did not alert them sooner to let them know that "Big Scoop" had already been moved before they arrived. I'm pretty sure that at this point, more money should be spent on the tracking device used to locate "Big Scoop."

Seven minutes ten second in and I want someone to explain to me what the difference between this and anything "Made For Sci-Fi."

Sad. Just Sad. I'll watch it to see what wasting my life is like, but I won't continue to document it. That'd be even more sad then me wasting hours of my life watching it.

OK, I lied, sixteen minutes and fifty-five seconds in, all I can say is, "Thank God everyone has their e-papers."