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    Wednesday, December 07, 2005

    Turkish Gold Bastard

    So, I was looking for my McKay's blue credit chit earlier today. I'd bought a few things a couple of days ago and had lost track of it. I knew it was somewhere, but could not quite remember where, although I had a feeling it was on the kitchen island at the house where I am currently staying. However, I was not there but at my parent's house checking in on Pascal the cat, and decided on my way home I'd check back in at McKay's to see if anything new had made it onto the shelves. So, I began going through all my pockets. Right inside jacket was the ipod and a few receipts. Inside left jacket was my cell phone and a few more receipts. My right sleeve pocket was my cards and stuff but nothing else. I knew it wasn't in my pants pockets because those get cleaned out and refilled every night and subsequent morning. Anyway, I double-checked my outer left coat pocket and that was just antacids and a pack of gum. Last was the outer right coat pocket, which almost never has anything in it, but there I did find a receipt, and something else. There in my right side outer jacket pocket were the remains of two well-crushed Turkish Gold (presumably Camel, moste likely lights [you poor disillusioned bastard]) cigarettes. The filters had of course broken off of the cigarettes and my pocket was filled with thousands of small dry pieces of tobacco, which took like four minutes to completely get out.

    One of you is up to Evil. Had I found them to be whole, it is quite likely that I would have smoked them. I'm only human you know. So, if you keep it up I will smoke them. If I find out who you are I will take your pack from you and smoke all of them as well, after which I will go buy a carton and smoke of all of it and then continue ad infinitum. You have been warned. I will start again if you persist. My future is in your hands you beautifully evil, nasty bastard.

    p.s. Found the chit, it was on the kitchen island as I thought.